How to get strong willpower and develop self-confidence

In the modern world, there is nowhere without willpower and firmness of character.

One of the key factors of success is a strong willpower. It helps a person to overcome difficulties and not give up on a halfway.

It is believed that a strong-willed person is firm in his beliefs, principles and ideals. He is confident, stress-resistant and copes with unexpected circumstances.

However, to develop such qualities, everyone needs to make a lot of effort, comparable to daily workouts in the gym to improve their physical performance.

Now we will tell you how to become a strong-willed person and develop self-confidence. With these recommendations, you can improve your personality and become more successful in any business.

Who is strong-willed person?

Firmness of character can manifest itself in the ability to boldly go to the end, make important decisions, maintain self-control in stressful situations and take responsibility.

A firm person does not have to go frowning with a stony face, looking at everyone from under his brows. He can be a cheerful and sincere person, but in the right moments to show firmness and uncompromising.

Usually strong-willed people are tempered by difficult life situations and work on overcoming them. Over time, they develop a kind of immunity and psychological resistance to such circumstances, along with other useful qualities.

Thus, showing firmness of character can be useful in the following cases:

    • conflict situations at work, accompanied by increased stress;
    • unforeseen circumstances that require a quick response;
    • disputes in which you need to defend your point of view.

The firmness of character directly depends on the willpower, which can be trained daily in different ways. And, like all big things, this path begins with the simplest things.

How to train your willpower

Now we will give you the most basic recommendations that will help you train your willpower. On the one hand, all this may seem easy, but you will face the real complexity of these recommendations in practice.

1 Start eating right

Are you ready to give up junk food, fast food and fast snacks? Are you able to start cooking your own food, and not order it in cafes and restaurants?

You can start training your willpower with nutrition. Because the diet can have a big impact on our way of life as a whole.

You may think that this has nothing to do with boosting your character, but trust us, it all starts with your diet.

2 Get rid of bad habits

If you have any bad habits, make every effort to get rid of them. Stop getting drunk, smoking, and abusing other mind-altering substances.

With all the emotions, feelings and experiences you need to cope with a sober head.

3 Figure out your sleep

The developed sleep regime not only disciplines, but also allows you to better plan your day and improves a person’s well-being.

If you want to take on this business thoroughly, you can go to bed at 23 o’clock and get up at 7 in the morning, or go to bed at midnight and wake up at 8 in the morning. Moreover, this mode should also apply to weekends.

4 Stop putting things off for later

Many of us are prevented from reaching the goal by banal procrastination, which forces us to postpone not only important, but also the most minimal tasks for later. From now on, try not to delay the execution of certain tasks.

Every effort to improve yourself when performing certain tasks is a small victory on the way to great achievements.

5 Always bring your plans to the end

If you have an idea, do not put it on the back burner in the hope of returning when you have sorted out some of the current affairs. Start implementing it immediately, and if you don’t have time for it, break it down into small steps that you will spend some time on every day.

6 Prioritize and throw out all unnecessary things

To clearly follow your goal and achieve the intended results, you need to deal with the main things and preferences, discarding all unnecessary. Make a list of tasks that you must complete, as well as deal with the things that are bothering you.

Distractions can include interacting with uninteresting people, watching addictive entertainment content that is difficult to break away from, and aimlessly going to bars in search of the meaning of life.

You need to be able to give up all this, then you will have more time for yourself and your own deals.

7 Watch your emotions when talking to people

Another good exercise in willpower is to constantly control yourself while communicating with people. If you watch your emotions, do not allow yourself to break down, get annoyed, especially to shout and insult the opponent — this is already a big step in the right direction.

Remember, once you lose your temper, you’re no longer convincing. People listen to rational speakers who are able to defend their position by the power of argumentation, accompanied by clearly controlled emotions.

8 Don’t forget to relax

You can’t always be in suspense and control your every move. All people need a rest and a reboot, after which they can start fulfilling their goals with new strength.

That is why you should allow yourself to relax when you feel that it is necessary. You can go for a massage, go out of town, go hiking, and so on.

After that, go back to completing your tasks, training your willpower.



Learn not only to listen, but also to hear

Few people will argue with the importance of productive communication for a variety of aspects of our lives-from communication in the workplace to building romantic relationships.

To do this, of course, you should learn to clearly formulate your thoughts and ideas. However, many people forget that the ability to speak clearly is only half of communication.

The second, no less important part of it, consists of the ability to hear the arguments and position of your opponent. Below you will find six tips on how to do this best.

1 Be attentive and relaxed

Probably the most important part of effective listening is being attentive. Try to focus on what the other person is saying and be fully present in the present moment.

Do your best to block out distractions, such as noise from the street or from the TV, as well as your thoughts on extraneous topics.

However, it is not necessary to be attentive to such an extent that you freeze and look at the person with an unblinking gaze while he speaks. It can be very unnerving.

Try to relax and make your pose as natural as possible. This will help the other person feel more at ease.

2 Maintain eye contact

To show the person that you are listening carefully, look at him and turn your body in his direction.

Again, eye contact does not mean that you should “drill” a person with your eyes.

Just try not to let your eyes wander to your phone or computer screen. This distracts attention and makes the other person think that you are not interested in what they are talking about.

3 Visualize the words of your opponent

As you listen carefully, let your mind draw a mental picture of what you are being told. These can be literal images or more abstract concepts and ideas.

This picture will help you understand more clearly what is being said, as well as better remember the story of the person.

4 Don’t interrupt

One of the surest ways to degrade the quality of communication is to interrupt the person. Remember a verbal battle in which two people try to shout over each other, trying to convey their point of view. Such a dialogue is rarely productive, and it is difficult for both sides to be heard in it.

So never interrupt the other person. Such behavior is impolite and looks like you don’t care what others say, and you think it’s more important what you want to say yourself.

5 Ask questions

When the person you’re talking to stops talking and shows that their story is over, it’s time for clarifying questions.

With their help, you can better understand what they are telling you, as well as make sure that you correctly assess the position of the opponent on this issue.

Why shouldn’t this be done in the course of the story? Because this way you can easily turn the conversation to a completely different topic and not let the person fully express what he wanted.

6 Be open to other points of view

To really hear someone and give them the opportunity to share their position, you should try to be open-minded and not rush to judge the one who’s speaking.

If he says something that makes you think or raises some concerns, keep it to yourself for the time being. Before you draw any conclusions or prove the other person wrong, listen to their arguments or story in its entirety.

After that, do your best to put yourself in the other person’s shoes and look at the situation from their point of view. This is not easy, and it will have to be worked on.

However, when you learn how to do this, you will see that it has become easier for you to communicate with other people, understand them, and effectively build your communication with them.



Why are we doing this?

Nail biting is an unpleasant habit not only from an aesthetic point of view, but also dangerous for your health. Doing this, you not only run the risk of introducing viruses and infections into the body, but also greatly worsen the condition of your teeth.

However, knowing that this is bad does not stop us. Why do we do this, and what explanations do scientists offer? Here are some interesting theories.

1 The cause of nail biting is difficult to point out

When it comes to figuring out the reasons for the nail-biting habit, psychologists name almost everything that exists in our lives. Some people follow a fairly common explanation: they say that this is due to concern, boredom, fatigue, or a desire for comfort.

Others, however, have more specific explanations. So, Sigmund Freud believed that this indicates some kind of error in psychosexual development from childhood (because, of course, this is the root of all the troubles).

The assumptions also included explanations that it was self-harm and a sign of internal aggression towards oneself. Another theory is that there is really no universal reason for this habit: it develops due to a variety of factors.

You can bite your nails because you need an outlet for the stress of waiting for an interview, while your friend starts doing it to relieve the tension during a long car ride. These are all parts of the same spectrum.

2 Some scientists believe that this is due to obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD)

In 2012, there was a small shift in the world of nail biting. This was the year when the American Psychiatric Association (APA) decided that this behavior was considered a form of “pathological grooming”, along with plucking eyelashes or obsessive picking at wounds, and therefore deserves to be part of the pantheon of behaviors associated with OCD or obsessive-compulsive disorder.

However, this is not an indisputable opinion. Some psychologists have accused the APA of bullying and reinforcing the importance of what for many people is a simple stress-relief habit, rather than a serious failure in impulse control.

Serious nail biting as a psychological problem and a physical disorder does exist, but the debate over whether even minor cases are also pathological is still ongoing.

3 New Study Says It’s a Sign of Perfectionism

A study published in 2015 in the journal Scientific American places nail biting in a different area of behavior: repetitive body-oriented disorders, such as scratching or stroking one’s own hair.

And this seems to be related to one particular personality type that has a higher potential for boredom, stress, and anxiety than many others: perfectionists.

People who focus on high performance and perfection seem to be more vulnerable to repetitive body-focused disorders because they are easily fatigued or frustrated, and they tend to take it out on the little things around them.


ABOUT MEDITATION + simple methods

There are different types of meditation, but the main goal is the same – it is the suspension of the mental monologue. For most people, it is very unusual to perceive without constantly sounding in the head – interpretation or analysis of what is happening.

Can meditation have negative effects?

Many beginners often ask – is it not harmful?

Over the past few decades, a lot of scientific research has been conducted on the impact of meditation on humans. Almost everyone comes to the conclusion that the influence of meditation is extremely positive, and in various areas, whether it is emotional, physical or energetic aspects.

State of mindlessness

Often the question arises – does mental reaction decrease because of meditation? Oddly enough, but the practice of suspending mental activity-contribute to improving the quality of emerging ideas and solutions, as well as enhance creative inspiration. As for the reaction, it increases significantly due to the decrease in tension in the state.

Professional warriors of all times practiced entering the state of mindlessness, this was practiced not only in the Eastern, but also in some Western military traditions. This reduces stiffness and stress, increases the reaction and rationality of tactical decisions during a clash. In the modern training of a professional fighter, meditative practices are given very great importance.

Let’s look at some fairly simple ways to stop a mental monologue. Perhaps some method will work immediately, and something will require some diligence. In any case, if you practice, gradually “pauses of thoughtlessness” will occur more often, and their duration will increase. The mind needs some time to get used to the possibility of perception – not accompanied by a “verbal accompaniment” in the mind.

Ways to stop the “mental monologue”

Meditative practices can be divided into passive – sitting or lying down, and active-during a walk or other activity.

1) You can imagine with your eyes closed a simple object, a point, any shape, or just look at something. Focus all your attention only on the selected object, and at the same time forbid yourself to mentally describe it. That is: do not formulate anything about the observed object, and do not represent the ways of its application.

2) This option of stopping the mental monologue does not create “turning on silence in the head”, but it is very well suited for beginners, as it allows you to believe in the possibility of perception and action-without thoughts. The essence of the method is “jamming the thought channel”. Everyone can reproduce the monotonous sound of “sound-m-m-m-m…” as long as there is enough air in the lungs. The objective of the exercise is to, without interrupting play of monotone m-m-m – mind, nor breath, nor between cycles of breathing.

While the attention is focused on the monotony of “sounding in the head-m-m-m”, the range on which thoughts arise is busy. This exercise allows the mind to get used to the perception – without mental analysis – of what is happening and its state, and after that, other ways to stop the mental monologue will be easier to master.

3) You can imagine that words do not exist, that is, there is simply nothing to think about. And observing such a conditional position-to continue to perceive the world around us. You can also use this method in passive meditations.

Observing the subjects of your thoughts

There is another very interesting, though not fast enough way. It gradually reveals the “mechanisms of the mind”, forms the skill of stopping a mental monologue, and contributes to a significant improvement in the quality of emerging thoughts and ideas.

This is the practice of ” observing the topics of your thoughts.” You, as often as possible, pay attention to your current thoughts-as an “outside observer”, but at the same time-do not cling to the thought that is currently sounding, so as not to be distracted by the mental development of this particular idea. You seem to be superficially observing the general topic of reflection-ignoring the specific details. Task: to observe the process of thinking – but not to delve into the content, so as not to provoke “involvement in the process of thinking itself”.

This practice will gradually lead to the reduction and cessation of “spinning in a circle” – the same thoughts. They simply will not be interesting to think about – since they have already been observed repeatedly.

Further, the number of negative thoughts – which usually arise when perceiving “annoying topics” – will be significantly reduced. Since the conscious observation of such a reaction creates a strong understanding of the obligatory consequence, namely, staying in negative states.

And more and more often and for a longer time, when observing sounding topics in the head, “quiet intervals” will arise between “word flows”. At the thought of a monologue – it is necessary to keep watching, but now, observing the silence.

This method takes some time to form a habit, but it is worth it.

7) Also, to stop the mental monologue, you can imagine yourself as some kind of external consciousness, located a little above the head or in the heart (as it is convenient for anyone), and hearing the thoughts that arise in the head. But at the same time, the” conditional listener ” – as if he does not know the language – in which your thoughts sound, and accordingly – can not understand anything. During” such wiretapping ” – there is silence in the head.

Active maditation

As an active meditation, for example, during a walk or sitting contemplation, you can replace the usual state of “I perceive”, with “perception-without me”, without thinking about yourself, without paying attention to your feelings, as if the perception that is happening is “observation from – no one”. A kind of “process of observing absence” in which “absence” – acts as an observer. In the end: it remains only-observation.

For this – nothing else to do, just to cease to maintain the account such perceived myself in the process, as the body and current thoughts, leaving the focus on the observation, as if dissolving all reality.

Over time, the mind will get used to a freer state of perception, and to stay in such a meditative state, you will no longer need to imagine any conventions.

It is worth adding that stopping a mental monologue can be compared to opening a door to consciousness.

In the end, no matter what you mastering meditation, to achieve harmony with oneself and the world, to look beyond the perceived limits of the current reality, or to effectively influence an objective reality – a skill stop thinking monologue will significantly contribute to the realization of the goals.


How to cope with panic attack

What is a panic attack?

A panic attack is a neurotic anxiety disorder associated with stress. In a panic attack, a person experiences a sudden, inexplicable and excruciating attack of fear, anxiety and / or panic, which is accompanied by the release of a significant amount of adrenaline into the blood.

The attack can last from 1-2 to 10-20 minutes.

🔹Symptoms of a panic attack are :
Rapid pulse
Feeling of lack of air
Fear of going mad or committing an uncontrollable act
Visual or hearing impairment, etc.

🔹The mechanism of development of a panic attack is a normal reaction of the body to stress, with one exception – a panic attack occurs without a stressful situation or as an inadequate reaction to minimal stress in the accompaniment of causeless fear, anxiety, panic.

What causes panick attack?

This can be either a hereditary component, or vegetative-vascular dystonia, a long-term or acute stress state, or mental illness.

🔹The risk group for panic attacks includes workaholics, overly responsible people, people engaged in highly emotional strenuous work, combining high-intensity physical activity, people who use various drugs or simulators ( energy drinks, coffee, etc.).

How to cope with panick attack

🔹If you notice a person with symptoms of a panic attack, or if the person asks for help, you should:
Take the person outside or provide fresh air.
Talk to a person in a calm voice.
Ask a person about their health, encourage them, but do not force them to answer.
Offer a drink of water. Water should be drunk slowly.
Give the person the impression of complete control over the situation. Speak calmly and confidently, smile.

How to prevent anxiety disorder

Treatment of panic attacks is carried out by medication and psychotherapeutic methods.

🔹To prevent, reduce the intensity and frequency of panic attacks, practice all the things that are usually advised for a healthy lifestyle. Do not overload the nervous system, avoid overexertion, meditate, master all kinds of breathing and body practices. Work through your blocks, limitations, and traumatic situations in psychotherapy sessions.


How romantic competence helps to have healthy relationship

Psychologist Joanne Davila from the University of Stony‑Brooke, New York, studies romantic competence and healthy relationship functioning. Romantic competence is the ability to act effectively at all stages of a relationship: understand your needs, choose the right partner, build a strong bond, and stop unhealthy interactions.

Three key skills of romantic competence

1. Analysis

Analysis of the situation allows to understand what is happening, and learn a lesson for ourselves. We understand our needs and desires, and the reasons for our actions.

Let’s say you’ve been constantly annoyed with your partner lately. But after analysis, you see, it’s not his behavior, just you have serious stress at work. So, now you need not to argue, but to find a way to relax, so that the working tension does not flow into your personal life.

Develop this skill to anticipate the positive and negative consequences of your actions, understand your partner and respond appropriately to his actions. The analysis skill will protect you from unnecessary worries.

2. Ability to talk about needs

You both have needs and they are all important. Learn to speak clearly about your own and listen to others.
It will lead to you both being satisfied. Let’s say you need to meet with relatives with whom you have a strained relationship, and you want your partner to go with you. Don’t expect a loved one to guess, tell them directly: “It will be very stressful for me. It would help me a lot if you were around. Will be able to go out with me?»
Remember, when you value each other’s needs and don’t hesitate to talk about them, quarrels and misunderstandings become less.

3. Regulating emotions

This helps to keep calm in stressful situations and soberly assess the situation. For example, you are waiting for a partner to respond to your message. Time passes, and he is silent. You start getting angry, checking your phone every minute. But you better say to yourself: “Calm down. There’s no point in looking at the phone every five seconds. I’ll put it aside and do other things.”
The ability to cope with emotions helps to survive unpleasant feelings, while maintaining self-esteem.


How to resist someone’s else anger

What is anger?

Anger is a response to such stimuli as resentment, hurt self-esteem and mental suffering. The man gets angry and screams, trying to protect himself.

Anger is not just an emotion, but a form of affect. It is characterized by intensity and short duration. For a few minutes, not only the mental, but also the physiological state changes dramatically: muscles contract, blood flows, breathing becomes difficult.

The form and depth of its expression depend on the characteristics of socialization. If it is customary in the family to talk in raised tones, the child is more likely to become an impulsive person, igniting from any spark.

Anger is felt by everyone, regardless of gender, age, or race. A person in a rage often does not control his words and actions.

How to resist someone else’s anger

1. Breathe
Once you are in the field of view of an angry person and feel that his excitement is transmitted to you, start breathing slowly and deeply.
Try to take only 6-10 breaths per minute. Always through the nose. Slow breathing helps to calm down.

2. Get distracted
If you start to delve into the message of an angry person, there is a danger of getting involved in a fruitless debate. In order not to listen, remember some children’s song or rhyme.  You will distract yourself from the angry speeches of your opponent and miss his taunts.

3. Be ironic
A man in anger looks quite comical. If you manage to distract yourself from his words, you will certainly notice it. But do not mock the man. Smile kindly. And rage will be replaced by mercy.

4. Pull away
Go to another room, take a walk, do something.
If there is no chance to withdraw yourself, then do it in your head. Imagine that there is a brick wall between you and the person shouting at you. This will help build psychological protection.

5. Forgive
In anger, a person does not realize what he is doing. And when the rage has passed, he feels guilty. Make it clear that you do not hold a grudge. So it will be easier for the broken person to sincerely repent and resume a constructive dialogue.

Remember the Indian wisdom: he who does not respond with anger to anger saves both himself and the angry one.